Graduation Day!!

Kindergarten picture on the left, Senior picture on the right

My oldest daughter, Faith Emilie, just graduated from high school last Friday. My husband and I are so proud of what she has accomplished. Really, just the thought of her graduating after spending her last two years in high school dealing with a mom who has cancer, had 3 surgeries, a fear of her mom dying and leaving her to help fill in the role of being mom to her 3 younger brothers. It's a HUGE deal that she graduated and she had an internship in an OB-GYN, competitive cheer with out of state competitions, and all of her social activities in her Senior year is wonderful. She really has gone above and beyond all expectations!

The seniors decorated their caps! It was very toughing that Faith put a cancer ribbon on her cap, but also made me sad that she has that on her mind during her graduation.

Before the ceremony

 Faith and her BFF, India, before the ceremony

 Faith and daddy before the ceremony (I was too busy getting the house ready for the after party) 

Waiting for the seniors to walk out and they had messages that students recorded playing, most saying things such as "thanks to my mom and dad for helping me get through this far"...

Students walking out to their chairs, I was actually shocked that there wasn't a section for teachers (only a few were there).

Principal, Dr. Ruggles, speaking

Waiting to get called up, Faith was in the front row of the far left section

Faith and one of her favorite teachers, Mr. Machado (Pro surfer Rob Machado's brother, if you're into surfing)

A closer view of where Faith is sitting during the calling of the names

Some students played a song, "Little Talks" by Of Monsters and Men, sang by seniors for the graduating class and all the students rushed the stage! (The principal was not very happy with this)!!

They did it! The whole senior class, 550 students with an average GPA of 3.5!

Faith and her BFF, India, after the ceremony.

Faith and two of her brothers, Zach with her cap and Josh

Our whole family with our graduate!

My dad, Flatty, made it for the ceremony (his wife's birthday was that day, so we were happy to get the chance to see him)

I had to post a picture of Faith's shoes....I'm not sure how she managed to not trip on the grass or walking up to the stage. She must be more graceful than her mom!!

 

 

 

 

It was a great ceremony and Sean and I had several friends over for a fantastic after party, after all, we needed it!!

Faith with grandma and grandpa after the ceremony, at our house

Faith with my Aunt Jonnie and Uncle John at our house, after the ceremony

Ben's Sunday school teacher, Lisa, on the right with her daughter on the left (Faith was a helper in her Sunday school class)

Cutting Faith's grad cake, before grad night, daddy thinks he's funny!!

Faith and her cousin Ellie

Faith, and my sister, her Aunt Kim.

 

 And then Faith was off to grad night...

Let the party begin...

A toast and a shot with some friends to one down, 3 more to go! (We are the first of our friends to have a child graduate from high school, even though they are all older than us)!

My girlfriend and neighbor, Shelley, toasting our shots! We may have consumed a few too many that night!

Sean and I enjoying ourselves after the party!!

 

This was a day almost 18 years in the making. It was awesome being able to celebrate with Faith as well as with family and friends. With having brain cancer, I always wonder if I'll see my children graduate from high school and I'm so grateful that I saw one graduate. I'm going to continue my fight to see the rest of my children graduate from high school and hopefully college (they all better, just hopefully I'll still be here to see it), but for now my goal is to see them all graduate from high school and become adults!

I lost my super hero powers

Since my MRI scans have come back good for the past few visits, I have been feeling invincible. I even thought about going back to school to get my BSN, so I could be a part time nurse when all of my kiddos are in school. This is something I wanted to do before I was diagnosed with brain cancer, but decided not to do it as soon as I was diagnosed, figuring that my time with my family was more important than my wanting a little job and some me time.


So my last MRI and visit with my oncologist, I realized that I am not invincible...

My oncologist saw my images and although he's always told me it's growing, even when we can't see the growth on the MRI, this time he said he could see the growth and estimated it as about 10 percent growth.

He suggested that I do radiation, which I still refuse to do. So, he would like me to do a year of chemo, which I am willing to do, after I get a second and third opinion. It's not that I don't trust my oncologist, because I completely do. But he is human and looking at these images with his eyes, so I'm guessing that it could be seen differently from another oncologist and I'd like to hear another opinion before I make a drastic change, like a year of chemo.

If I go the chemo route, I'm not going to start until September so that I can enjoy the summer with my kiddos without feeling sick. And my mom had a great suggestion as the chemo is in pill form, that I would take for 5 days every 28 day cycle for a year. She suggested that we sit down with a calendar and mark off all the dates I don't want to be on chemo, so that we can schedule those 5+ days at a time during the months that will not fall of holidays, birthdays, school breaks, etc.

I haven't told many people yet, because I have wanted to keep it on the down low, as my daughter, Faith, was finishing the last week of her senior year. She's seen us be back and forth on this for the last 2 years of her senior year, so I wanted her to just enjoy her last week like a normal high school student. Her graduation was wonderful, I'm a very proud mama and I'll post about it another time with pictures!!

As for now, just please keep me in your prayers and I'll try my best to keep you posted.

So sorry

So sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I actually have a couple that I started and are saved as drafts, so I should get those published as soon as school is out for summer (or so I think).

I'm also sorry that this blog isn't going to be inspirational or uplifting. I have no good news, no bad news either.

My next MRI is on Monday. The stress, worry, and anxiety that come with it have hit me hard this time. I was hoping that Mother's Day, my just having my birthday (I turned 38) and preparing for the kiddos to get out of school would help ease my mind, but it hasn't. I am also seeing Faith finish out her senior year, decide where she wants to go to school, which her decision is to stay close by.

There is just something about these milestones reminding me about the constant passing of time when I'm facing my own mortality that have made the past couple of months difficult.

It's been over a year since my 3rd surgery and each MRI I wonder if there is going to be growth. My oncologist us using my September MRI as my baseline as it was long enough after surgery to show my tumor without any swelling. I have been faithfully using my natural treatments, along with those and the vaccine I'm praying that there is no change, but that fear definitely still lingers.

I'll keep you posted on how my appointment goes, I actually have several. Monday is a big day for me. I get an MRI, see my oncologist, and get a check up from the neurosurgeon to see how my vaccine is doing, they will also take a boat load of blood to check it as this is also a checkup on my vaccine and they like to keep close records on each participant in a clinical trial.

Spring Break, Punta Cana

For Spring break this year, we went with my in-laws and some family members to Punta Cana.

It was awesome and amazing...

My boys loved the water slides at the resort and I loved that all were tall enough to go on them!

Even Ben was tall enough, and his swim lessons since January really paid off!

 

The resort was all-inclusive, so we ate, and ate, and ate!

And then there was the most gorgeous beach

The boys played and loved the warm, clear water

Ben wore his goggles the entire time, until he lost them :(

Since we live at the beach, my kids don't know what a snow ball is, only sand balls and they love to make and throw them, they also love sand angels!! 

We took a tour of the town

Zach and all of us tried a raw cocoa bean (it was sweet and very slimy, totally gross)!

Then we tried hot cocoa, made with the ground up dried cocoa beans (kids didn't care for it and it was too chocolaty for me, and that's saying something)

Zach was so focused on watching this guy roll cigars, that it makes me wonder what he's going to roll when he's older, lol!

After the town tour we were taken to an open area to zip line, which we declined as they kids weren't all tall enough

Several tours met there

Josh was given a sunflower seed to feed to the parrot from his mouth, and he was brave enough!

We saw a small alligator exhibit and the boys were able to hold a dead preserved one, gross!

Our family in front of the tour bus.

One of the homes we drove by.

Another tour we took was a snorkeling tour, this is the pier we left from, so beautiful!!

My princess laughing at something while leaving the pier

My boys getting tossed around in the pool

One of the funniest things to me was the hour long "shower" fight my boys had entertaining each other, with a pool and ocean all around them, they played in the shower!!

My kids really enjoyed the pool, beach, and the all you can eat food, since it was all inclusive. They also really liked the tours and I liked that they were able to see how others live, to work, the school system and other things since it's a third world country. 

 

I spent a morning at the spa, it was beautiful and so relaxing. I got a massage and was then able to enjoy the spa area. I also got a mani-pedi which was so refreshing. I loved just being able to spend a bit of time relaxing with no worries at all!

 



The Hard Rock Resort was wonderful, we had a great vacation there. The only bummer was that the electricity went out one evening, so we didn't end up eating dinner until 11pm as most places were shut down because of the outage. And when we did finally eat, it was super crowded. But overall our stay was great!

 



3 month check up

Yesterday was my 3 month check up from my oncologist up at UCLA, Dr. Lai. I got very stressed out on Sunday, which usually happens in the days before my appointments.

Sean and I left for Los Angeles in the very early morning, before the sun came up. It was a quick drive up to the hospital, a little over 2 hours, which is the reason we leave so early or we would be stuck in traffic for hours.

First thing was my MRI and that went quickly for me (probably longer for Sean in the waiting room).

Next we walked over to the oncology department. This is when it really hit me, I'd know my fate in a matter of minutes, but the wait seemed to last forever, and I seemed to get more and more nervous...

Finally I was called back and my mind was more at ease. I did all the usual stuff, weight, blood pressure, and was then brought back into a room, which happened to be right next to the screening room for MRI images and our door was left open, so I could see the doctor zooming in and out on several images, my heart started racing and the worst thought started running through my head. Then his assistant came in and did the usual tests...walk in a straight line, remember these 3 words "computer, bicycle", and one other I can't remember right now (but they are always the same 3 words).

After going through the quick exam with the assistant, it was time to go to the imaging room. And yes, just like you can see in the picture, it's a rather small room for 4 adults to stand in.

In the room, we discussed the alternative treatments I have been trying and he knowing their has not been any clinical trials (as the FDA can't patent natural things and steers doctors towards pharmaceuticals). My doctor said that it is impossible to see any growth on the images he compared from the past 3 months. That is the reason we are waiting until my September MRI as it takes about a year or hopefully more in my case, to be able to see growth as it grows so slowly. That was such a relief, but he did point out where the residual tumor is in my brain. We also discussed treatments and he's good for now with me simply continuing my natural treatments and not wanting to do chemo or radiation (what's the point if there is no cure) and this will give us more time with the vaccine I received in the clinical trial. This was great news and I was already on a high. Then he started talking about how my treatment would probably be different in 3 years (now remember over a year ago he gave me 3 to 8 years to live), so hearing that he thinks I'll still be around in 3 years made me really happy. I mentioned it to him and he said that he goes based on statistics and that now that he's had some time with me, he can see that mine is growing slowly and when he gave me the 3 to 8 years time frame he wasn't sure on how quick or slow mine would be growing.

This was the best news yet!! My goal is to stay around to see my kids marry and to get some grand kids!! So, I was very happy after this doctors appointment!! My next appointment will be on June 10th, just after my birthday!

LYMI, Anniversary in Dallas for Cheer

Friday, March 1st, was my one year anniversary from my last brain surgery. I was able to celebrate it this year in Dallas, Texas with my daughter as we were there for her cheer competition.

Last year we were unable to attend the competition and ended up having to pull her out of cheer, so it was wonderful being able to go this year. It really meant a lot for me to be able to attend.

I was hoping for more of a mother/daughter weekend, but with Faith being a teen, it was more of a weekend for her to hang out with her friends. I had fun hanging out with the moms, but was kind of bummer because I wanted more time with her before she goes away to college.

One night while getting a drink with one of the moms, I struck up a conversation with the couple next to us. Let me give you some back ground info....last year at the competitions there was a money jar passed around in which people put a couple bucks to raise money for a cheer coach battling cancer and going through treatments. There was a short video played about the coach. I remember she was a beautiful young woman. The couple I sat next to were her parents, she passed away last November. It was great talking with them and it really made my weekend feel right. I happened to be in the perfect place at the perfect time.

 

Her family is using the leftover funds from her fundraising to help pay for people to do cheer and dance. Their website is lymifund.com and Amy came up with the phrase LYMI, Love You Mean It!! I love that!! Amy was a great coach, sister, wife, and daughter. Her story is amazing and so inspirational. Please look at her website and read her story!

The cheer competition was great! Faith really enjoyed herself! Her team did well and I had a great time wandering around Dallas with another mom and seeing the sights, including the 6th floor museum, all about Kennedy!