Friday, November 30, 2012

The unluckiest person alive!!

My husband often jokes with me that I am the unluckiest person alive, because of all that I have been through. So a few weeks ago when I and my doctor found several lumps in my breast, we decided I needed to have a mammogram and an ultrasound.

Sean calls me the unluckiest woman, but after having a successful surgery and learning that I had more than 14 months to live, he decided that we need to play the lottery that day, and we did, but lost!!
We may not have won the lottery that day, but in a way we did. Deciding to change our lives, being healthy, fighting this cancer, and living a long life (hopefully longer than the 3 to 8 years the doctors predict for me).
The results of my mammogram and ultrasound were good. The radiologist said the lumps were benign!! YEAH!! But I'm still left wondering if it's benign, then what is it really? A cyst? An infected milk duct (from my nursing years)? I was told that I have to ask my regular doctor what exactly it is. I'll be sure to post an update as soon as I talk to my doctor, but it seems strange to me that the radiologist couldn't tell me anything more than that it was benign. I'm not at all worried, anymore, but I want to find out exactly what it is. One really hurts (like a clogged milk duct), so I want to see what we can do about it.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Budwig Protocal Diet

In my quest to cure this brain cancer, I have read about several "natural cures." Whether or not they will work on me, I don't know. But since there is no cure yet for brain cancer, I figured I might as well try. The easiest for me to try right now is the Budwig Protocol Diet. In which, cottage cheese and flax oil are emulsified together with a hand mixer and eaten. So I decided that today was the day to start it. I found a website that seemed to have some good information on it and went with it. Although this site states that I can have fruit with it, others only had me taking the 2 together, so that's how I did it today.

Started off with the ingredients (all organic of course)
Measured them and added it to the mixing cup.
Emulsified them with the hand mixer
  It came out as a thick paste
I let (made) my 3 year old, Ben, test it out (he eats everything), but he didn't care for it!
Then I gagged it down. I ate it all!! But it was hard getting it all down. It's very thick and has a very slight taste (which I can't describe). I was shocked that I was able to get it all down. It was so thick, that it stuck to my teeth and made it even harder to eat! Now my hope and prayer is that this does something. The website says I can have some fruit with it, so I'm going to try that tomorrow!!

Friday, November 23, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving!!

This year was a much better Thanksgiving than last year, when I was just released from the hospital with a brain tumor diagnosis.

This year we know exactly what I have, so no guessing, and I've already gone through the surgeries, been treated, and somewhat know what to expect.

We spent Thanksgiving at my brother Randy's house this year. (Last year most of my family came down to my house as I was just released from the hospital and my brother, Tyler, and his family flew down to see us.)

The men and older boys in my family golfed as they do every year in the annual Teffeteller Thanksgiving Golf tournament. As usual, my husband's team won the tournament. I was thrilled, it's always good to have bragging rights!! While the men were golfing, the women and my young boys were hanging out at my brother Randy's house and talked and cooked and ate the appetizers we put out.

We had a really good meal. It was my first Thanksgiving as a vegetarian, so I didn't eat any turkey. But I have always liked the side dishes and desserts the best, so I was able to load up on those. My husband and my boys did eat turkey. My husband, Sean, said that Thanksgiving is his favorite holiday and that he can't go without eating the turkey because he looks forward to it every year. My daughter and I were the only ones who stayed vegetarian! I don't see anything wrong with their eating the turkey, it's not like we are vegetarian because of animal rights. We are for health reasons.

We had such great family time. I wish these days could last forever! And it was a beautiful Southern California day in the low 80's.

I was also fortunate enough to volunteer in my 3rd graders class last Tuesday for his Fall party. The room mom, had the kids make turkeys in which the feathers told what they are grateful for. The students in his class put a whole bunch of different things they are thankful for such as mom, dad, grandparents, siblings, food, Jesus, but not my son. He decided to write that he was thankful for his video games and his money!! Sometimes you just have to laugh. And when I brought it home a set it up on the kitchen table, the dog got it a chewed on it, so no picture of the finished product. And Josh was not happy about it, but it was probably going to make it's way into the trash that evening, so I wasn't too concerned.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Happy Anniversary!!

Yesterday was my 1 year anniversary of my seizure, that lead doctors to the discovery that I have cancer. It was a strange day for me. On one hand I was feeling sad that a year of my life has already passed me by, but then my husband, Sean, said that I am in a much better place than I was a year ago. I've had most of the tumor removed through surgeries, a vaccine, and I still have chemo and radiation in my back pocket (because you can only do those once in your life and I haven't had them). So we celebrated as a family, since we're all in this together. We went to BJs restaurant and had a nice dinner and a pozookie, which is a freshly baked cookie with homemade ice cream on top. It was a good night. But the kids were worn out from the school day and started laying down at the end of our dinner. So we came home, had sparkling cider for the kids and champagne for Sean and I. It felt great to celebrate and spend time with my family.

Now I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving Day tomorrow, and thinking of all I have to be thankful for!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

I am so bad, here I go again...

Well, part of my reason for creating this blog, probably the biggest reason, was to leave my children with a lasting memory of me and to use the blog/journal/pictures from our summer trip and turn it into a photo book from one of those photo places like Shutterfly or even Costco. But, I dropped the ball. I'm going to try to at least post weekly updates and in the mean time fill in the dates from our trip as I was keeping a journal on my iPad during our trip, but it's just too time consuming for me to upload it and ad photos to it. I want that time for my children and have been feeling a mixture of guilt and conflict over writing this and spending time with my children. Today they are in school, so I figured I would post this.

I've been having a tough couple of days, here is a copy of my latest post on my care pages account...

"Cancer Sucks!

Posted Nov 14, 2012 12:24pm
Yesterday was a really tough day for me, but since it looks like I haven't posted in a while, let me get you caught up. About 3 weeks ago, on October 22nd (my boys 1st official day of Fall Break) I had a seizure while cooking dinner. I was cutting tomatoes and stuff for tacos, with all of my boys standing on chairs around me trying to help, luckily I had not yet turned on the stove for the fake taco "meat." From what I've been told as I don't remember any of it. I slowly went down to the ground, grabbing the chair as I fell. I guess my face looked funny because Zach has asked me several times why I was closing one eye and scrunching up my face. And I must have been breathing funny because Ben has asked me several times about that as well as asking why I was grabbing the chair. Faith saw me having it and was the one to call 911 (I'm so proud of her), she yelled for Sean and he saw me laying on the floor with my head on one of the chairs.
I didn't come to until I was in the ambulance. They told me I had a seizure while on the way to the hospital. I got my usual room in the ER! They did a cat scan to make sure I didn't have a concussion, which luckily I didn't, but my head was really bruised and hurt bad.
It turns out that I forgot to take my medicine for 2 days, so thank God it was nothing major. But it did give us all a good scare and I don't think I will ever forget my meds, nor will any of my children ever let me as they ask many times during the day if I remembered to take it!!
Yesterday was so hard, because sometimes I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I worry about my children having to see things like that and their fears. I also feel guilty every time they ask if I remembered my meds, because that is not something a 3, 6, and 8 year old should have to be concerned about. Yesterday Faith was asking me about my plans if I died, whether or not I want to be buried (for the record, I don't!), which is not something a normal 17 year old senior in high school should have to ever worry about or even have the need to ask their mother. Last night in our support group a daughter, who is 38, of a brain cancer patient said she gets mad easily at her mom because she is so mad her mom has cancer. And if she feels this at 38, I can't imagine what Faith feels.
And it sucks that at 37 I have to figure out my plans for when I do end up dying, not that I plan to soon. But it will come to that point at some time and I have to figure it out while I'm still functioning.
Another weight on me is that my 1 year since my diagnosis is coming up on the 20th of this month. I wonder if since the doctors gave me 3 to 8 years to live, if this means I now have 2 to 7 years.
It's such a weird thing to feel that I almost have to cheer people up when they ask how I'm doing. I just don't want others to worry about me or feel sad, so I always feel the need to put on a happy face.
On the bright side (see I always feel the need to cheer you up, now that I gave such a tearful update, but maybe this will make me stop crying) I did get runner up in the Yahoo Women who Shine contest. Which will get me a $250 Visa gift card! But even better than getting that prize is knowing that out of 160 something women in the survivor category, I got 1st place in the whole United States!! It was amazing and so uplifting reading all of the comments, knowing people I have never met and who don't know me are praying for me.
Sorry for such a dismal update. I'm hoping the next one will be better. I have my next doctor's appoint with my brain cancer team on December 17th. On December 10th I will be getting a mammogram and ultrasound as my doctor found several lumps in my breasts yesterday (but honestly that is no fear for me and in my mind doesn't even compare to the brain cancer stuff going on)."